Sunday, November 21, 2010

CWHFA (kwee-fah) to form new Early Departure Committee

It was announced earlier today that the Canadian Wine Hacks and Flacks Association will be setting up a new committee, called the Early Departure Committee.
This has been in response to many complaints from the wine industry that CWHFA (pronounced: quee-fah) members were accepting invites but then leaving tastings at an early hour.
Said the Prez of the CWHFA (pronounced: quee-fah), "Too many of our members have been taking advantage of the lax mood of the wine industry. They RSVP, turn up on time, sit around (or stand around) waiting for non-CWHFA members to arrive, and then just take off as soon as they can, usually just after the main course. Indeed, we  have noticed some members ordering coffee just after the soup. This has just all got to stop."
The EDC may, of course, refer the matters over to the Ethics Commitee which may then issue one or more "Certificates of Dispensation" to the appropriatre parties upon proper payment of fees.
Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

New iPhone App to announce wine functions for CWHFA members.

The CWHFA (pronounced: quee-fah) is happy to announce that it has developed a new iPhone application for its members. The app is free, but you must be a member of the CWHFA group in order to download and access it.
It's being seen by many as a major perk of membership.
The app, called Wino Function, has been developed with the co-operation of the wine industry. Simply put: your iPhone will beep continuously starting at 20 minutes before the beginning of any wine function in the GTA. Or, if you live in the Canadian hinterland of Lake Erie, Winnipeg, Halifax, or Prince Rupert, the beeps will start 20 minutes before any wine function in your own area or region. The beeps are bilingual, but closely match the harmonics of "How Dry Am I?"
By picking up the phone, you will receive a text message itemizing details of the upcoming tasting. Depending on where you are at the time, you may never be late for another tasting again.
It is considered a boon for those who attend several functions a day, because in addition to the announcement of the next upcoming tasting, there will always be a handy list of excuses for an early departure from a currently happenng tasting.
Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at