Sunday, October 31, 2010

Membership Dues Rise from Zero to $25 for Quee-Fah

GOSH Wine News Services -- Breaking story -- The introductory period of FREE membership in the new CWHFA (pronounced quee-fah) has passed.


The Canadian Wine Hacks and Flacks Association welcomes all sommeliers, consultants, and bloggers to join us for the ridiculous rate of $25 a year. Our only stipulation is that they not be paid any money directly by wine producers or trade associations. Barter and trade, free samples, trips, and the like are okay alternatives, and welcomed. Our wine suppliers do not send out single bottle samples; they only send out full cases of the product. That's a magnanimous dozen bottles of a single wine to try with every conceivable food choice. Plus, through our exclusive contacts at the liquor boards of Canada, we guarantee total access to the tasting labs for the new releases...with no cap on numbers!!.


Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at

Sunday, October 24, 2010

CWHFA (Kwee-fah) initiates Certificate of Dispensation.

The new Ethics Committee of the CWHFA (pronounced Quee-fah) has decided to move ahead with allowing its members to have a conflict of interest or even the appearance of a conflict of interest.
But there are two stipulations: there must be a "Certificate of Dispensation" granted by the Ethics Committee; and this granting can only happen once a month.
The "Certificate of Dispensation", based on the Roman Catholic Church sliding scale of fees for dispensations, will be $100 for RCs, $150 for others, and $200 for atheists. The Ethics Committee will collect the fees and turn them over to the General Slush Fund (GSF) operated by the CWHFA.
All of this must still be finalized by the National Executive, but the CWHFA PR spokesperson suggested that would not be a problem. When asked, he said, "No problem".
Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at

Friday, October 15, 2010

Education Courses announced by CWHFA (Kwee-fah)

Today, CWHFA (pronounced: quee-fah) has announced that it will begin offering wine courses through its Education Committee.
The Committee has determined that its first series of consumer education courses will focus on a "Master of Wine Writing" Advanced Level Certificate. Said the Committee Chair, "There's the MW (Master of Wine), and the MS (Master Sommelier). So why not an MWW -- Master of Wine Writing?"
It's a self-referential series of courses. All the basics of wine, all the basics of journalism, all the basics of hackery, all the basics of flackery -- these will be covered over a two year period. And the coverage will be intense.
The main objective is to self-perpetuate the CWHFA. Through the MWW program, the group will be assured of a continual stream of new members.
One of the entry-level courses is the mastery of "The Faint Praise Index".
Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Membership rising, but we need more writers from outside the GTA

There are now over 45 members in the CWHFA (quee-fa) organization. Unfortunately, just about all of them are in the GTA. I say this because we are a NATIONAL group, and we'd like more members on a NATIONAL basis.
We want to be from "sea unto sea", so that we can begin our national mandate.
Take a minute to consider our cause: join us if you live outside the GTA.
Regardless or origin, once we get 100 members, we can promulgate ourselves. That's promulgate, not flagellate or fellatiogate.
Creator of Canada's award-winning wine satire site at